P for Passions?!

Very perturbed by the fact that i wasn't doing anything and tired of "not doing anything" for days, I thought I must give some direction to my life.I realised that i needed help probably but didn't know the source of help when my eyes noticed a book covered in a layer of dust on my table-"the monk who sold his ferrari". I'd tried reading that book before-key to boredom,philosophical and soporific.But I desperately needed help and if I can get a little inspiration or motivation from the book, why not?
As i progressed through the book I changed my opinions about it though I agree it still has the lullaby effect at times.:)Of course the book is extremely inspiring, will give a slight push atleast. I successfully read the book but my confusions and questions had multiplied four fold. Robin Sharma's creation Julian Mantle says -"The secret of happiness is simple:find out what you truly love to do and direct all of your energy towards doing it".People must think 'wow! is that so simple?'.But it put me into deeper trouble. i kept wondering as to what is it that i truly love to do? what would keep me in constant interest and enthusiasm? and give some direction and meaning to my life?... I'm still searching for answers.
I don't find people having so much trouble with that.I've friends who are passionate about music,flying,football,dance,acting and even linux! and they just don state it as their passion,they really work towards it. they really know what they love to do! its not like I'm not interested. I find myself interested in many things. But i wonder if i can really term it as my "passion".
Another enlightening quote from the book says-"The purpose of life is a life of purpose!".Phew! That only makes my head feel heavy.Powerful thought. Its been twenty long years and I'm yet to find the purpose of life. What my true passion is. what is the driving force..
Acc to RS, real source of happiness can be stated in a word-"achievement".But what is really is achievement?living for 20 years? having survived so many exams? NO.. not at all.. achievement must be such that it brings immense satisfaction to you and also brings a smile on someone else's face.Not one incident that i can recollect that has made someone else and also me unbelievably happy. Feels like a waste of so many years of "survival".
The character Julian claims to have acheived vitality and eternal happiness following the advice of the sages residing in the himalayas who believe that "only those who seek shall find". I do wanna seek but I'm a little lost and I'm wondering as to what i really wanna seek. What are my passions and objectives that would make a life more worthy of living, a life of purpose and that of achievement! Hope to find the missing parts of the jigsaw puzzle of my life soon..

INERTIA

I start all fresh every morning. I slide the curtains to see the bright rays penetrating my room. I look at myself in the mirror and feel that its gonna be a great day.. sure it will..

I meet my friends,have a fun-filled day(exception sometimes:) ),mimic teachers and comment about all the fashion outcasts and strange sights i get to see. I 'll be so grateful for such a wonderful day. But when i enter my room back again in the evening, I realise that the show is all over.My reflection doesn't beam at me. Nor do my open windows add any intensity to the room. I lie down and wonder if i'm feeling sick or if its a mood swing. As twilight breaks, the feeling goes skin deep and the mood of loneliness sets in. I convine myself that its only because my friends aren't around. pause.. and then I realise that i've felt lonely even before. Even when I'm in a crowded hall or for that matter even when i'm sitting with my friends.
I read a quote somewhere. It said "Man can adapt himself to any emotion but not loneliness".I think I agree to that.
But as the skies turn darker and my toughts branch wider and deeper I feel that its not just loneliness. There's something missing!Something unexplainable but feels very essential, something far off but I might reach it if i just raise my hand enough..
After all that thought I still dont realise what it is. There's no such undying passion about anything or extreme interest or "I can even die for it" kind of emotion. Facts just stay facts. Objects are just objects. I dont see anything beyond.
And finally I'm still left with the emptiness and the inertia of life which pulls me into a cycle of another bright day and an introspective night,always hoping that I'd definitely find answers the next day..

LIFE.. can be so meaningless

It was a bright, sunny day.Not exactly a pleasant spring atmosphere as the temperatures were soaring high.We were in class,wondering as to why we were attending a lecture on "scope of internet" while there were so many activities going on in the campus.Inspite of the humid,stuffy weather the mood was rhapsodical outside.All of a sudden we were informed that classes for the day would be suspended as someone had passed away.None of us bothered about the latter part of the notice.All we were happy about was that classes were suspended and we need not take the "torture" anymore.Sad but true..

We were asked to attend a mourning ceremony for a few minutes. I really wanted to know as to who it was we all were mourning for. We all gathered where the scorching sun was draining us out of energy. As soon as the administrators of the college began to express their condolences, one of my friends exclaimed "Shit! why should we be here".I was stunned,shocked and later all I remember was that I was extremely furious. Agreed none of us knew the person who'd passed away in person. But still, he and his entire family met with an unfortunate accident and the least we could do was give them all some respect.I think I really understood the term "blood boils" that moment. I've never been so furious,frustrated and also sad at the same time. Then there were my friends who were constantly complaining about the heat and the loud speaker which wasnt working properly.I understand it was extremely hot. But hello people,there was a man,who'd served the institution for so long,and his family that had faced something so unfortunate. In a second I realised it was not only my friends.It was a reaction I saw in most people gathered.Seniors,juniors, batchmates all alike. The teachers stood in silence and listened. Howmuch ever i disliked them,i was happy that were atleast standing in silence to show some concern to the soul that had left this world.I donno if it was fake.

The person who'd passed away was from the maintanence department.Did all the people gathered there ever realise that all their classrooms,the tubelight and the fans in the rooms may have been allotted under his supervision? Did they even listen to the words that the administrator use to describe him?- "WONDERFUL HUMANBEING", "SPECIAL INDIIVIDUAL","TOTAL COMMITMENT TO HIS WORK".

Sadly, i wonder if people atleast knew his name.

I know this might sound ridiculous but what if he could really see and hear us? How extremely sad would that soul be? Just show five minutes of respect and the soul might rest in peace.

I was never scared of death. Never ever.I've contemplated suicide when I've been extremely depressed.Most people do.But from that day, I'm very scared of death.What if tomorrow one of my aquaintances would not come to see me just cos it was raining?Extremely negative thought but still that you'd never know. Why cant we respect another life irrespective of how close that person was to us?

Its sad that we are living in a world where life itself is not respected. Its just not worth living such a life if we cant respect another being.